Christmas Wish
by cici.mel1978
Summary: This world. A world where he had no one but himself and a few pills. Memories that used to bring him comfort, only makes him bleed. Outside is no better as the snow falls on this Christmas day, a white bandage covering it all. The snow was trying just like him to heal, and failing just the same.


**Author Note** : Hi guys! I hope you all are having fabulous holidays and are celebrating. And for those who can't or aren't able, I'm thinking of you! Now this story is a SAINW TMNT 2k12 & TMNT 2k3 mixed. This story is also a challenge flashfic submission for the Festive theme challenge at tmntflashfic. Now I hope you guys enjoy the story, and criticism and comments/reviews are always welcomed! Have fun reading!

 **Warning** : Slight Apritello.

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own TMNT! Nope, don't. Poor me. *sad eyes* lol

* * *

His eyes roamed over the readings once again as he read each line, trying not to let out a single detail as he held back a yawn and rubbed at his eye with his left hand. The hum of machines around him along with the beeps was starting to sound like a melody lulling him to sleep.

 _I can't sleep now. I failed them enough…_

He gritted his teeth together, determined to bear with it as he opened the top drawer of the desk where he was sitting and started to feel eyes on him. It had been nearly two years since April, and her rebel team freed him from that place. Two years since he walked into the building and first saw three distinctive bodies on beds with a cover over them. He shuddered as dark memories started to come and took out a bottle and quickly opening it before taking a pill.

"You're pushing yourself too much…"

He took a glance behind him at the woman leaning against the doorway's frame, her once bright long red hair now dulled to a gray and spiky. Most would see the wrinkles on her face and say it was age. Thirty plus years or not, he knew it wasn't age on her face. It was everything she'd been through.

"I'm not pushing myself enough" He muttered, turning back to his work. He couldn't stop. He didn't dare stop. He refused to give up. He refused to announce them as dead. He wouldn't dare let those thoughts take over.

Two years of working and toiling over the three of them. He swallowed as one came to mind more than the others. The youngest one had it worse. Much worse. April's rebel team said he was mad when he first said he'd save them, that it was impossible.

Especially to save the youngest one.

Over time they left him to his "madness". Though his threats may have been a big part of it and April telling them to let him be. Weeks passed as they slowly would bring him things to the place he set up as his lab, not far from the lair.

 _Or what was left of it…_

More time passed and they would fix things. Bring more materials, more items. He had managed to save them, barely. Too many times to count where there was nothing but blood and a flat line that wanted to refuse to pulse. He swallowed as memories clouded his mind before he popped another pill.

"And just how many of those are you going to take? Is it even helping you with anything?"

He could hear the frown in her voice, but stopping wasn't an option. His eyes went to those three forms. No longer barely hanging on by a thread like they were that first year, but nothing was waking them up. Had he been too late? The brain needed oxygen, how long had they been on the brink of death before he stepped inside the rebel's headquarters.

He rubbed his head, making sure not to use the other. The cold metallic touch would do nothing but plunge him more into this reality he could never escape. The reminder of that torture from the Utrom's that was now a permanent fixture on his being.

Yet he refused to believe this was the end.

He slowly felt more wired, his eyes more open as the pills took effect.

"It's helping plenty..."

"With what? The nightmares? From what I can tell it's only keeping you up."

"Then I guess it's doing both then." He snapped as he looked back at her before letting his shoulder slump and taking note that the other took a bit longer to respond. "April I'm sorry...I shouldn't snap at you. I just...if I could have just been there."

"If you would have been there, you would have been dead. " April's tone was so matter-of-fact that he looked away feeling defeated, before hearing footsteps come closer and a hand on his shoulder. "And they'd be good as dead too..."

He let out a deep sigh as his eyes went to the three motionless bodies on hospital beds hooked up to various machines, many that he wasn't too fond of using. Before his capture, over thirty years ago he had found the alien Utrom technology fascinating and found various uses for it. Now he rather have little to do with it.

His hand with to his right arm feeling a phantom pain before he tried to shut down those dark thoughts that peeked from the corners. The coldness of that arm with wires underneath still bothered him as much as that spot on his head. That one spot that was plated, more metal that those aliens that resembled a brain with tentacles put on him. He looked at the tech with disgust now. If not for the fact they needed it, he would have told April to destroy it all instead of salvage it.

The images of a blood-soaked floor.

Then there was Mikey with so many cuts that pierced his skin.

No, not cuts. Deep gashes that seemed impossible to survive with the amount of blood soaking the sheet.

So much blood…

There was so much of it…

His hands went to his head, fingers digging into his scalp where he'd feel it as his breathing quickened and his stomach turned at the memory of Mikey being picked up and squish of boots hitting the floor. He dug in harder, the right more painful than the left. He deserved it. He needed it. He…

"Stop!"

He breathed feeling hands on his own, and he swallowed before looking back at April, her eyes full of worry and concern before she massaged his left hand. Slowly he relaxed as he felt those fingers move over his scalp in a gentle massage.

"You need a break."

"A break is the last thing I need." He said softly, trying not to look at the other two just yet. He didn't know if he should cry or be elated at such a smooth cut into both. Their pulse had been so weak but there when he attached them to the machine. The sword's handiwork was not so damaging where he couldn't do something for his two older brothers.

No, that had been Mikey.

With them, there was less damage done. It gave him that hope that stirred inside, pushing him to believe that his brothers' eyes would open as time passed.

 _It's been more than two years of this. What am I missing?_

"You have barely stopped moving since we found you. You need to process and take a moment. You still haven't told me everything that happened that day you disappeared..." Her voice was quiet, but he shut his eyes. He didn't want to think about it.

 _That day…_

 _No, that night…_

It was just supposed to be a simple pick up. Go to the junkyard, get back home. One of the homeless had mentioned a part he needed, but he had waited before going to get it. It was supposed to be simple…

It should have been simple. Instead, he had been taken. Imprisoned in a chamber and shackled as the Utroms own rebels used him to try and get ahead against the Shredder. His mutant turtle biology mixed with humanoid could somehow tell them how to handle Splinter. Their apologies meant little with each test and experiment they used on him as they tried to help themselves with their findings.

He gave an inward chuckle as he nearly smiled as the dark thoughts took over. Just one little arm. Just one slice here. One cut here. Just take a bit here. Take a bit there. It wasn't like he needed it. Soon he'd get them back. Soon he'd make them pay after he got out.

 _One day he'd get out…_

 _He'd make them pay..._

"You're okay?"

He blinked, snapping out of it. Swallowing as he realized where his mind had led but not trusting himself to answer right then.

"I still don't get how you survived...Shredder's forces did a number on the Utroms stationed there. We were just lucky we decided to check the area. I was scared seeing all that blood on you...especially after…"

He felt her hands on his shoulder and over the skin between his shell and neck as his eyes closed only a moment before snapping open once he realized what she thought happened and he put a hand over hers before looking at her and their eyes locked as they always did these days. He swallowed, feeling that hand start to hold his as he looked into those eyes and could still see the same fiery, intelligent woman from long ago.

He couldn't tell her. Let her think he wasn't as broken as he was. He just couldn't. His hand reached up, right as she leaned in as his hand caressed her face in a gentle touch.

"It's Christmas…maybe you'd like to come over and spend it with me?" She asked slowly as his heart beat faster before he recoiled back and turned around. His mind went to all those bodies who stood over and to that picture of Casey they had memorialized.

"We can't do this." He said quickly, his fingers moving back over the keyboard again as he read the readings on the screen. Maybe this injection would help them wake up.

 _Maybe...always maybe..._

"But…"

"You're Casey's…"

"Casey's dead!"

Casey dead. Even two years since learning that fact, he still couldn't get past it. Casey had been dead for years before they found him.

Years that he'd been with Raph, trying to get his older brother to stop on his violent spree that he suddenly went on. A violent one that even Casey couldn't handle.

 _No, not sudden. It was when I disappeared...No kidnapped._

Thirty plus years since that day they took him and everything went to hell.

Literally.

And Raph didn't stop his violent spree until Casey was dead. Caught up in a fight with too many to count after trying to infiltrate Shredder's base. Raph didn't realize his mistake until after it was too late. Much too late.

Raph and Leo's fights grew worse after that. Raph was unable to accept Master Splinter's death and the way it was handled with the three of them running and leaving their father to protect them. Leo at some point hit his breaking point and was unable to deal with Raph.

He quit everything. Raph's antics included. The leader was finally fed up, as he walked away and the hothead went in the opposite direction leaving Mikey with the mess.

Was that when Shredder took advantage? Was that when he finally was able to rule the world? He was dead now because of that other one like him from that other universe. The one that managed to get Raph and Leo to stop fighting with Mikey's help. Managed to bring Mikey to try one more time against him along with April and her rebels with Raph and Leo as well.

Still much too late for Casey. He almost wished April didn't bring him up to date.

His fingers stopped moving across the keyboard as he wondered how many holidays April spent alone since Casey died.

Casey was dead. Dead and not coming back…

"April I'm sorry I couldn't…"

"You're not a miracle worker. I grieved already…"

"It's only been over two years…"

"It's been twenty-five years…"

"But not since Shredder was killed and the world free of his rule. Now you have space to think. Actual time to grieve… "He looked back at April, studying her as she went silent.

"I could call hypocrite…"

"You could." He admitted with a glance at her. "We both need time..."

She took a deep breath and looked at him. He wasn't sure if she believed him or not. Everything was so broken. He couldn't read her like he used to.

"Are you at least going to be at the festival tonight?" She gave him a smile, and he was no longer surprised by the question as much as he'd been the first time she'd ask him to go. "They're celebrating you...if not for you, we'd still be under Shredder's control."

"I don't think being experimented on and imprisoned counts much as a heroic deed."

"You know what I mean." April sighed. "It was still you."

"No, it was me from another dimension and timeline."

"And it was still you," April said firmly, and he looked at her again, seeing her mouth in a stiff line before she continued speaking. "Same heart, just as smart, and just as determined."

He looked at her and fought an urge as he felt the warmth inside him before turning away. "You should probably go." He could hear April's footsteps as she came closer.

The words were caught in his throat as he felt her lips against his scalp. His breath hitched, and for a moment he forgot how to breathe as the world faded into that time of red hair tickling his shoulder. Now he felt nothing against that spot as reality slapped him, and soon her presence was no longer as close. He swallowed hard at the loss of her and that simple gesture he'd no longer feel. His eyes glanced where metal and skin melded together at his shoulder, taunting him which each day that passed.

"April…"

"What do you even want for Christmas?"

The question surprised him yet as he looked at the motionless bodies, so much came to mind that he felt lost in a sea of his thoughts. His eyes went to the door, once he was outside the manhole wouldn't be too far away. It would go down as it always did and he'd take those same twists and turns to a home that nothing but shambles now.

The city they fought so hard to protect and save was a wreck.

Sometimes it was hard to think. Harder to keep it all together, when all he saw was ruin.

Shredder was dead and still winning...

And he was losing more every day than he cared to admit.

"Hope. I want to have hope…" His voice was quiet to his ears, not daring to look at the woman whose eyes were burning against him.

"I'm sure you'll get your Christmas wish."

"I'm starting to think it's impossible…"

"I never thought Master Splinter raised you guys to believe in the word impossible."

"And he's gone too…"

He heard a deep sigh. "Merry Christmas. Try to get some rest…"

He took a deep breath at the receding footsteps before turning around fully as he watched her leave. The door closed softly as cold slipped through, reminding him of the weather outside.

She'd be back. She always came back.

 _But what if one day she doesn't?_

He tried not to think about that. He wasn't even sure when exactly things changed between them from best friends to at the line of something else. His fingers on his left hand went to the spot she had kissed before he forced himself to get back on track as he shook his head.

He needed to focus. Last time he didn't pay attention things went to hell. Not again.

His eyes grew heavy, and he rubbed at them again unfortunately with the wrong hand. The roughness and cold metal immediately jolting him before he got up to set up for the medicine.

A few changes to it based on readings made him hope for something different. Maybe their eyes would open or maybe there'd be movement. He would take anything. Anything at all as he stared at the still forms.

 _Maybe he should be begging his father's spirit for help right now,_ he thought bitterly before pushing the tainted thoughts down.

He could admit he was desperate. He could even admit he lost hope. He had brought them this far, only for what? To live while in comas? What would their father think?

He curled one hand into a fist, anger at the edges at memories and thoughts he tried to keep under lock and key. Leave it to April to open the pandora's box of his mind.

He breathed, reminding himself of the medicine as he took a deep breath and was glad for that bit of control that kept him from breaking the syringe in hand. He swallowed as he used the IV to administer it. He knew they were aware, but he wanted them alive. Alive like before. Before all of this happened. They deserved that.

Not this…

He tried watching them after giving it. Trying to keep an eye on all three, even while with one. Sometimes he saw something, a finger move or a blanket shifted, but then he wouldn't see it again, and he could feel his hope plunging into darkness.

He clenched his fists again and started to feel tears prick at his eyes before he rubbed at them. He laughed to himself. The melody off, echoing in some horrid little melody.

 _And April called him a miracle worker…_

He swallowed, feeling the walls closing in on him as the urge to grab at his head again came. He took a deep breath, grabbing a jacket and slipping on some sweats with some home-crafted boots before going out his lab after grabbing a box from the closet.

He breathed in the crisp air as the chill hit his face as he locked up before turning and slipping his hands into his pockets with the box under his arm

Still, buildings were in disrepair. The ground was littered with debris, but the snow covered it all like a bandage on the city. Everywhere he looked as he walked, there were candles and small altars to friends lost during Shredder's reign.

People were still finding bodies. Finding secrets that the Shredder hid and also the rebel Utroms. He had been one of those secrets.

He walked into the forest, pulling the hood up of his jacket while quickening his pace. The air seemed colder than 30 years ago. The city seemed empty, and though he pulled the hood closer to his face as the chill hit his skin, one arm didn't even feel it all.

Everyone was either home or at the festival. He could even see the glow of lights from here; it had a warmth to it. He passed wreaths hung in weird places, barely leaves on them along with stockings a dull red with torn toes.

Continuing, he stepped over objects. Pieces of building that fell. The Utroms would have fixed it all. They had even offered, but no one wanted their help. Even April told them it was best they leave.

They had been imprisoned too, but it didn't change the fact that Utrom technology had been everywhere to make the people of Earth's shackles tighter.

Reaching the forest, he let his feet lead him, but the spot was becoming familiar. He could still remember the day April had shown it to him. The spot where a slab of wood stayed with a cane leaning against it. He swallowed once he reached it. The ugly scrawl that couldn't be called anything less than chicken scratch had to be Mikey's doing.

He crouched down, tracing the fingers of his left hand over the name trailing down. He wasn't even sure why he came here. Why now?

"Splinter…" He said it softly, disbelief still caught in his throat as he remembered April telling him how Shredder's forces came and Splinter sent Leo, Raph, and Mikey away as he fought them off trying to protect them. She had got their too late, Splinter was gone, and Raph and Leo were already tearing into each other. Mikey had been left to tell the story.

She had helped them bury them after sneaking back into what was left of the lair. Shredder had done a good job of destroying it. He had his lab close by. Built with some help as he started trying to rebuild their lair.

"I don't know what else to do…" He breathed out, putting the box down as he hung a stocking, torn and with holes on a cane with no owner. Then put the tree in front of the makeshift grave.

Master Splinter had deserved better...

 _Their father deserved so much better…_

He looked at the little tree that had no leaves. He could at least decorate it, but he didn't have decorations or anything. He let out a deep sigh.

"Merry Christmas...I guess…"

"Merry Christmas to you too."

The gravelly, raspy voice made him stiffen. His eyes wide as his heart beat faster.

 _It couldn't be..._

He stood up to his feet, turning around as he looked at the turtle at his in front of him in some ragged pants and visible scars over his plastron.

"Y-"

His arms were around the orange masked turtle immediately. "You shouldn't be talking. What I am saying. You shouldn't even be here. It's too cold out here a-and…" He hiccupped as the tears came more freely and he just held Mikey tighter as he felt a hand over his shell.

"Don't you think I'm too old for you babying me?" Mikey gave a dark chuckle.

"No." He said quickly. He could still remember when April told him how Mikey changed. He pulled away, Mikey's freckles still dotted his face as they peeked out an orange bandana covering his head. His brother's baby blues had barely any spark in them as he looked.

"What's that?" Mikey glanced around him.

He looked where Mikey was looking but refused to let go. "A tree and a stocking?" He laughed only a bit. "I thought he deserved a Christmas too."

He watched an expression pass over Mikey's face before he continued talking. He wasn't used to this quiet, contemplating Mikey. "With Shredder gone and April trying to help rebuild the city. I guess I was…" The more he thought about it, he wasn't sure what he was trying to do.

Mikey moved from him, and for a moment he felt hurt as he remembered how much the turtle loved hugs before. To his surprise, Mikey crouched down at the tree before moving as he dug around the grave.

"Mikey what are you doing?"

Mikey didn't stop before pulling out a shuriken and some kunai hidden near the grave and then watched the turtle start hanging kunai on the branches before putting the shuriken at the top.

"He deserves a decorated tree right?" Mikey looked back at him, and he saw a small smile. A ghost of the smile that would usually be a large grin, but it was there. Hidden somewhere as he saw a bit more light come into those blue eyes.

"Right." He smiled back, before seeing Mikey look behind him just as shadows joined his and Mikey's.

"About time you guys get here," Mikey said as he looked behind him to see a large stocky turtle in a red mask and a jacket with holes in it. He had tried his best to get the blood stains out that jacket for Raph. He swallowed, staring at one before looking at the other. Expecting to see a trench coat on the other but instead seeing Splinter's robe and hakama underneath. The sight had him tearing up again.

He didn't even have time to process as Raph suddenly dropped to his knees in front of him. He could see wetness staining the cheek on one side where an eye wasn't missing.

"Raph…"

He barely got the name out before Raph was holding onto him tightly by his waist. He could feel his plastron getting wet on one side as he watched his brother's shoulders shake, as he sobbed. Hearing Raph cry did nothing for his own tears as he heard a small whisper of a thank you and looked to see Leo glancing up upwards.

He was sure Leo couldn't see anything, but just the sight brought more tears to his eyes even as he felt someone against him and saw it was Mikey.

"Ya arm…Stupid brainiac." Raph cried, and he looked down again as his left hand went to his right arm. Cold, metal. Robotic. He didn't bother covering it with the jacket sleeve there was no need to. It felt nothing. He just laid that hand on his brother's shell, caressing as soft as he could as his tears fell after being called "Brainiac."

"You guys shouldn't even be up. How did you know to even get here?"

 _Impossible…This was impossible…_

"You left a trail. It wasn't hard," Leo said softly. "When I showed everyone, Mikey just took off first."

"This is jus-"

"I could hear him…" Leo said softly.

He looked over at Leo confused before seeing the oldest turtle looking down at the grave.

"I did too..." Mikey said from behind him.

"Same..." Raph mumbled against him.

His brow ridges furrowed, pinched as he tried to swallow that information. He was a man of science yet as he looked at that grave and a soft breeze made the stocking move. He felt it against his cheek, and the warmness of it should have surprised him, but it didn't.

"Nothing was ever impossible for Sensei was it?"

"Nope." Mikey shook his head, and he could feel Raph slowly letting go as the red masked turtle got up to his feet.

"Knowin' him, he's probably here in his own way," Raph mumbled. "What do we do now Fearless?"

"No clue" Leo's voice was quiet. Leo not having a plan or anything was surprising but wasn't.

Everything was different.

All of them messed up with only bandages covering the many wounds on spirit and body.

Raph didn't make a comeback. No argument as the red masked turtle stood on his other side, and the four of them were huddled up. All in pieces.

Mikey's smile wasn't right. Leo had no plan. And Raph didn't have fight in him. It was all so wrong, they were ghosts holding on, but he remembered that spark in Mikey's eye. Leo had led them here. And Raph had always been ruled by emotions.

They were in pieces.

Nothing but fragments.

Still, he smiled because maybe those four pieces could make one whole piece one day.

"Merry Christmas Donnie"

Don smiled more hearing the nickname Leo as he watched Mikey look around.

"Think this place will ever be the same, D?"

"I don't know Mikey, but I have hope."


End file.
